There should be a way to approach it with the soberness you need. It doesn’t look like a mistake, although there may be one in there somewhere… it looks like a sharp directional change or a cutting moment which is somehow blurred…
Steady on. Whatever you learn, try to put it in perspective.
Focus on MARS big time.
Halfway through the conflict, has neptune hidden it?
Can we see it now?
What do we feel is worth it?
What is the value of your freedom?
Or even this:
What are you progressing towards?
Are we a slingshot drawn back so we can fly ahead?
I’d like to read you a poem called 𝗙𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗜𝗻𝘀𝘁𝗿𝘂𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁
by Mark Nepo, it goes like this:
𝗙𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗜𝗻𝘀𝘁𝗿𝘂𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁
Often the instruments of change
are not kind or just
and the hardest openness
of all might be
to embrace the change
while not wasting your heart
fighting the instrument.
The storm is not as important
as the path it opens.
The mistreatment in one’s life
never as crucial as the clearing
it makes in your heart.
This is very difficult to accept.
The hammer or cruel one
is always short-lived
compared to the jewel
in the center of the stone.
Lots to unpack there, and I won’t do it for you, except to say that I want to talk about anger.
Our Mars retrograde keeps bringing up the topic for me, and one of the most important things I can ever say is this:
In understanding our anger, we begin to understand our will to live.
let me say it again:
In understanding our anger, we begin to understand our will to live.
Or I even might say our will to survive.
Anger, that is Mars really, and its value is dangerously neglected, especially in the context of self help and astrological circles, especially among women.
The topic is Life Force, and what we do to keep ours. I’ve heard people say that anger is only sadness, but isn’t the other way around just as true, that depression, despair, is anger turned in on itself, defeated by hopelessness?
Find an outlet now, because you need one, you need to give yourself a challenge: because you are worthy. What hero does not need to overcome?
But how sad, how embarrassing if you find you can not overcome, or you haven’t yet.
Or you have gone a long way down the wrong road.
How about this:
Deep internalized anger at not being able to solve your problem?
Not being able to change the situation, the system you are in.
Mind bending anxiety & it’s all below the surface, all while having to maintain a facade of ok- ness so you don’t lose everything and plummet off the face of the earth.
If unexpressed anger turns to depression and hopelessness, then honestly, what can we say expressed ANGER turns into?
Hatred and being all alone because everyone thinks you are antisocial?
It’s ok to be angry. This one took me a long time to learn. I thought I had to be cool with everything, no matter the cost to me personally. It was a point of pride. Can you imagine??
What an ugly thought, to think that you have to be a robot to be accepted by others, (and unfortunately how sometimes true that is) all the same, how impoverished I was without my bright spark.
Getting angry mostly means you got hurt. You got hurt because you have feelings, you have feelings because you are ALIVE.
You are privileged enough to have an inner response to outer stimuli.
This is a good thing. Thank God. Thank God you can feel it.
The best thing to do with your anger, is to pal up to it. Don’t be scared of your own anger, it’s just you. AND YOU ARE PISSED. Awesome. How come? Why ?
There is usually a story there, and often it’s a keeper. So much to learn about what makes you want to kill. What are you frightened of?
What do you believe are the most terrible crimes?
Considering this will probably give you a lot of information about what a wonderful person you are. You have VALUES, you consider something precious. This is very good news.
And I would add, that when you know, truly know, why you are upset, most often you know EXACTLY what you want to do, or if you don’t, you are not far from discovering it.
Clarity is the gift of anger. And false clarity too, so when you have had your revelation, give it time to unfold… welcome it more than once. Hold it up to the light of your breathing, your peace.
Consider some tactics, procedure:
The trash won’t take itself out. That’s your job. Use no more force than necessary. You don’t want garbage on your shoes.
Maybe it’s more complex. If yes, you need strategy, perhaps you need to apply your Mercury, or determination: that’s Saturn.
What about the people you love who hurt you in the same way over and over, when you’ve talked already and you have a rage that is so very close to despair.
What can we say about this?
You know it already: you can’t change anyone who is not you. The more deeply you can accept it, the more freedom you find.
It helps if you can see that trying to change someone is pure arrogance. It’s their life. No really. It’s theirs.
What about ordinary anger? Not in service to a cause, but personal to you. Boring bad people doing boring bad things? I mean everyone is that person. People are rude, they get in your way, they break your stuff, cost you money…
Mostly it’s about the jolt, disrespect, so, next step:
Communicating your anger to the proper recipient. You know what this is.
You have to simply tell them what pissed you off.
There is a catch, you have to do it without being a nightmare.. Your sentence must not start with “You are such a monster because…” Trust me, I know from experience, no one will listen to anything you say after that.
and here is the heart of it:
Why is this so terrifying?
Perhaps it is scary because if you do it in such a way that allows them to respond openly, you may find out you are wrong. You are unrealistic, misguided, uptight, and coming completely from left field.
You gotta make space for that possibility.
….and finally it’s important to recognize that in dealing with your anger, you will at some point let go of it, and that can be lonesome.
Anger makes us feel right, and feeling right is fantastic.
Anger keeps us warm. It lets us act as a really crummy friend to ourselves, the sort who just goes along with everything Anger says, while taking absolutely no responsibility “That’s right Anger, what were they thinking?! Man, those guys never stop to think.”
So, as long as you are angry, you are not thinking, you are feeling, and as deep emotional truths demand to be heard, you had better express them.
Howev, you best be ready for the fact that they may, or may not pass the logic meter.
And to be crystal clear: They so don’t have to. You can say it anyway. You can say wow, I don’t make sense, but it’s so true for me. I wonder why?
And I do want to say: That journey, that WONDER, is all yours and it’s very very beautiful, and frequently sad. It’s a worthwhile story: follow it, who was that innocent once upon a time?
It was you, and in following your anger you will learn so many things you need to know.
Let me say this again to make room for it in your heart:
What you are angry about doesn’t have to be logical or even factual. You can express it regardless. First to yourself and then to someone you trust. It’s ok if you don’t make sense. Tell someone how you really feel.
Can you feel the space opening up in your heart? Can you feel yourself making room for you?
Listen, I’m so glad to be alive with you and your fire, your passion for living, no matter how deeply buried, in you there is a spark that wants to burn, and I’m so proud of you for caring, about anything, whatever it is that makes your heart beat.
I’m just so glad. We may not make sense under this full moon. We may not even be angry, but it’s nice to know it’s alright if we are. We can listen to ourselves and we can learn.
As you breathe in now, there is no separation from the molecules that surround you and the molecules that describe you. In every conceivable way, we are commingled with the limitless power of creation. I’m so glad you are alive and breathing here with us.