The New Moon in Cancer on July 20th looks painful. In a simple way it suggests bad news. A sucker punch, a bad beginning, someone has hurt the baby, the mother, your feelings.

If a New Moon is an image of a fresh start, this one comes bearing an old fashioned ball and chain, For a newskool spur of the moment sabian symbol, how about:

– An imprisoned woman, pregnant with the warden’s baby, picking up roadside trash –

A new beginning, along with pressure, regrets, complications, fear of loss, lack of autonomy and an abundance of backward motion.

Comparing what we have, to what it should have been. And as much as we need the contrast, that really is a waste, a bad habit.

We seem stuck on a loop: saying it’s not supposed to be like this, as though reality will then say, oh right, I’ll bear that in mind. I’ll be shaping myself up now. We’ve nearly fixed it.

All the same, all the while, we can’t stop looking back. To see what? What we used to have? The way it was -supposed to be?’ Is that a thing?

Was it supposed to be ok?

It seems we are all wandering down the haunted hotel hallway in David Lynch’s film Lost Highway. We open the door to a room like every other, and like our protagonist Pete, we share a deep uneasy certainty that we have not only been brought to a very evil place, but that we have become an evil person simply, and without any real malice. We have followed our basest needs, taken what we imagined was the easy way out. We chose to ignore our own conscience, or we never had the strength to build one.

And yes, that’s all we want. We want to talk. We want to ask why! Even as we form the words, we know it’s too late. Wrong words. Wrong thought. No escape.

I think it’s important to realize you ARE, you are giving birth to yourself right here, right now. in a situation far beyond your control. Not only are you giving birth to yourself, but also to an unimaginable future, which you participate in but do not control.

As you are growing, you are developing the skills you need, even if they can not yet be seen.

This is a process in one direction, a process that can’t be undone. You are being molded now. BECOMING becoming becoming becoming.

For this New Moon in Cancer, ( the second one in a row! ) The Sun and Moon are of course together in Crab @ 28 degrees, a retrograde Jupiter, Saturn and Pluto oppose them. Retrograde Neptune @20 Pisces makes a loose trine to the New Moon, and a sextile to the Capricorn pile up.

Mars conjuncts retrograde Chiron in Aries at 12 and 9 degrees, and they sextile Venus @15 Gemini and square Mercury at 8 Crab.

Uranus in Taurus sextiles the Crab Mercury. The North Node @28 Gemini is inconjunct Saturn and the rest of the Capricorn crew.

It’s very sharp, but there is a suggestion of integration, of acclimation, of growth in the aftermath, or growth potential.

You are learning to tolerate new kinds of pain & uncertainty, learning which kinds of pain you no longer will tolerate: FROM YOURSELF.

Above all, learning that the only person you control on this earth is you. A lot of this time is an up close and personal look at how exceptional we all are not and how much we will bend and sacrifice.

But all the same, all the while, in every moment, how beautiful, how various, how particular we are, how infinite in our spark, how precarious, and how very simple we exist in execution, and in fulfillment. How we might could hold these truths to be self-evident, how we grow as every flower does, no different.

We are learning how all of our relationships must become alliances for them to even exist.

Look ahead, can you? Look where you want to go. Begin to realize how many lifetimes it may take to arrive. Imagine what arriving looks like. That’s your homework.

And as we prepare to accept whatever comes, to be willing to digest reality, to metabolize it, in order to gather strength, let’s remember, that there is no meaningful way to separate the vibrations of your molecules from the vibrations of the molecules surrounding you.

You are inherently at home in the limitless power of creation. As we are breathing now, let’s do it together. Let’s breathe together on purpose. It feels good. I’m so glad you are here with us.

Love YOU!!!!

XoX